relationships

  1. 30 January 2026

    Money matters. Part 1: Does your spending reflect what you value?

    Many people with enough money — often more than enough — struggle to actually spend it on the things they say matter to them. They'd say health matters, but won't pay for the physio. They'd say relati…

  2. 23 February 2024

    A podcast for two

    A few years ago, I lost a good friend — not to death, but to the kind of slow unravelling that happens when a relationship can't find its way around the same conversational loop. What I wish we'd done…

  3. 7 July 2023

    Quick questions (and fast answers)

    Sometimes, I ask people questions and don't want comprehensive, well-considered answers. Just a quick "don't know" or a short, specific gut response — not a lengthy, well-considered reply. If I've sen…

  4. 16 December 2022

    “Be an asker”

    Some people are askers, some are guessers. I tend to be a guesser and would probably be better off asking more — and I suspect many other people are in the same boat. Guessing is guessing; your guesse…

  5. 18 March 2022

    Investing in social capital

    Before we could store food properly, the best place to store surplus was in the stomachs of friends, family, and neighbours — and they'd reciprocate. Social capital is one of the most important forms…

  6. 21 August 2020

    People are interesting (and what is right for one person may not be right for the next person)

    Everyone is different. Even identical twins raised in the same household are pretty different once you get to know them. When you meet someone new, you have NO IDEA about who they are. Two takeaways:…

  7. 21 April 2020

    Niceness isn’t goodness

    Niceness does not equal goodness. Gavin de Becker's line has stuck with me. How often do we trust people on a gut read of "nice" or "credible"? Con-artists and psychopaths tend to be charming — that's…

  8. 18 February 2020

    What type of inheritance do you want to leave?

    My wife and I joke that cafe treats and holidays are "coming out of the kids' inheritance". It's strictly true. But your children don't just inherit money when you die — they inherit memories, experie…

  9. 24 January 2020

    Don’t yuk yums (financial or otherwise)

    Money is emotional, and rarely talked about candidly — which is a recipe for disaster. Borrowing from the sex-positivity frame: who cares what's "normal"? If someone's spending gives them pleasure, do…

  10. 8 November 2019

    How to be interesting

    I’m not the most socially skilled person in the world, but I’m a LOT better than I used to be. I’ve been a noddy, I’m still sometimes a noddy, but I’m not always a noddy. Before a social situation I r…

  11. 6 September 2019

    Baches (or: some terrible financial decisions can be great life decisions, and vice versa)

    File under: some terrible financial decisions can be great life decisions, and vice versa. Owning a bach is almost always the wrong call if you run the numbers — the opportunity cost on half a million…

  12. 26 July 2019

    Thought(crime)s on parenting

    I love my kids. I adore them. I wouldn't give them back. But many times, I don't enjoy the act of parenting — and it feels controversial to say so, even with all that preamble. Here are some honest th…

  13. 12 April 2019

    The most important assets can’t be found on a balance sheet. (An ode to resourcefulness)

    I have tremendous faith in resourceful people. The clients who end up in a good position, financially and otherwise, tend to be resourceful — not because they started with much, but because they can s…

  14. 22 February 2019

    Warren Buffett’s most important lesson

    Warren Buffett is endlessly quoted about investing, but his most important lesson isn't about money. In a 2001 speech at the University of Georgia he said you measure success in life by how many of th…

  15. 12 November 2018

    Parents can help out their children by underwriting risks

    Parents help their kids in obvious ways — education, deposits on homes. But there's a subtler one worth naming: underwriting risks. A parent in a sound financial position can take the place of a traum…

  16. 1 March 2018

    Financial advice for 16 year olds (and the rest of us)

    Some high-level financial advice for 16-year-olds, and anyone who still feels young. The biggest investment in your early adulthood is in yourself. One of the best (or worst) financial decisions you'l…

  17. 21 December 2017

    Risk management for ballers

    George Clooney once gave 14 of his closest friends $1 million each, in cash, in designer suitcases. It sounds bonkers. But being generous with the people who matter to you probably pays dividends if y…

  18. 7 August 2017

    The billion dollar question

    Approaching 20, I asked myself a stark question: would I rather have $1 billion in the bank, or a fantastic relationship with a fantastic woman? The answer reshaped my priorities. I spent years workin…

  19. 12 July 2017

    Money and marriage

    Deciding to marry — or enter a civil union, or slip into a de facto relationship — is one of the biggest financial decisions you'll make. Assets, debts, goals, kids, careers, pre-nups, spending habits…

  20. 17 June 2017

    The big financial decisions you make need to reflect your values and priorities

    My wife and I own a wonderful house. We could have bought one for half the cost, halved the mortgage, and been financially independent years earlier. We made the decision with open eyes — we were prep…

  21. 1 August 2016

    Contrarian thoughts on being a better person

    I'm both attracted and repelled by the self-improvement genre. We should get better at things as we go through life — but a lot of the popular stuff astonishes me. Puett and Gross-Loh offer a useful c…

  22. 18 September 2015

    Ubuntu. An ode to friendship

    Success in life, to me, isn't about accomplishments — it's about the relationships we cultivate with the people we care about. The South African word ubuntu captures it: I am because you are. If your…

  23. 30 July 2015

    “Very happy people”

    From a 2002 paper by Ed Diener and Martin Seligman, two fathers of modern happiness research: the very happy people were highly social, with stronger romantic and other social relationships than less…

  24. 26 August 2014

    “How to be polite”

    Paul Ford’s essay “How to be polite” is a charming read. My favourite lessons: it pays to withhold judgement even when the other person isn’t; politeness lets you draw a protective circle around yours…

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